Werd Paintings

People are really funny. They can disappoint you so quickly, which is not funny. Like the seasons, we change a lot. Many things people say they want in life changes. I used to hate waiting to see what happens, but I have learned that time reveals a lot of things. Time can reveal someone’s true character. Time can reveal that dream job was actually preparation for your true calling. Time gives you answers and explains why you had to wait for it in frustration, but the answer brings so much peace when you release the frustration.

Waiting can be considered negative while doing nothing, but patience can also present a ministry of blessings to the desires of people’s hearts…including yours. I’m really passionate about everyone winning. In light of letting others win, sometimes I lose. However, this is still a win for me when they’re happy. How people go about becoming happy can come across confusing. As a planner, I have mapped my life out only to make new life maps. The path I thought I would go was not at all where I would be. Growing up, I wanted to become an actress. I studied theatre, experienced rejection into art programs and wondered if I was even good enough to persevere through it. I knew I loved art, but was unsure if this was an area I needed to go forth in my life. Towards my senior year, I lost faith in becoming an actress and scared to live the life of a ‘starving’ artist. What is next I asked myself? Oh! Why don’t I become an interpreter since I’m already studying Spanish? I applied to a bunch of graduate schools to only get accepted into one program from my dream school. I wanted to move to Atlanta and get closer to my family which added extra incentive. However, my ideal job of working at the United Nations required me to learn an additional language outside of English and Spanish. This meant I would have to study another language and stay in school longer, and I was already in grad school borrowing a lot of money. Also, I was tired of being in school. I wanted to fulfill my life of that wonderful thing called adulting, so I chose a job to make some money and thrive in this great adulting lifestyle.

Adulting is definitely not as it seems. It’s never explained how hard it can be, but it humbled me a lot. I honestly don’t know how I took on several graduate assistantships and worked at the same time. However, I had ambition and drive. After watching a friend quit grad school the semester of her graduation, I did not want all this money to go down the drain, so I kept going. It was very time consuming, and I promised myself to not be in a serious relationship because I could not dedicate the time I envisioned for myself with a boyfriend. Work and school became stressful as graduation grew closer, and I did not want a significant other to deal with the stressful part of me. However, I made it and took the path that led me to where I am today. It’s not the path I intended for myself, but I really had to humble myself and put it in God’s hands…or did I? I’m pretty sure I leaned to my own understanding because some decisions I made were a result of getting rejected countless times. I was always afraid of failing because it was something bad to me, until someone spoke to during my internship and said “Do not consider a mistake as a failure. Consider it as a lesson to get better.” What this speaker said released me from this fear and placed me in peace ever sense. I can very well know exactly where I want to go but have no idea how I am going to get there. The accomplishment was…I got there by manifesting the desires of my heart. However, I noticed what I manifested in my writings. One manifestation was moving to Atlanta because I loved the city. The next manifestation was living in New York and DC. Originally, I wanted to live in DC but that came after living in the New York. I got to these places not knowing how I would get there. Right now, I am in a place where I desire walking in purpose.

My life in Atlanta prepared me to deal with the things I am involved with now, which gives me more time to focus on what I truly want to do that makes me happy. Living in New York helped me realize what I desired was not in this state. Now currently in DC, I am able to focus on me. I realized writing makes me happy. Music thrills me. Seeing people win delights me. After much prayer and reflection, I wrote what I envisioned myself in doing and who surrounded me. For the first time, I felt more accomplished and not looking as a means to survive. Being in survival mode is scary as hell because you never know what is going to happen. That is the point of life though, right? I’m in the process of fine tuning things I did not allow myself to develop because I underestimated myself too much and feared I was not good enough. My next step is to seek where I can start this path since it’s never too late to start something different. Tina Turner and Taraji Henson are prime examples of this as entertainers. Even when frustration comes, these two ladies persevered. Even in my frustration, I might need a period to sit and think over these true desires…I’m going to do it because at the end of the day, I want to do what I am called to do and happy in doing it. It’s all in the timing and the waiting which is a beautiful process even in the midst of angst and frustration.

For anyone out there well in age who are not where they need to be, consider this-the world sets a standard of where they expect you to be but that does not mean that is the right time for you. Maybe there is something you need to learn to release that can open the door of clarity. Take that into consideration while you wait and grow into greatness.

Let’s take a look at how we start out as babies. Babies never start walking right away. Their brains have to develop to understand how their bodies work in order to do this. Then they learn to lift their heads up without help. Next, they build muscle and realize they can rock back and forth on their hands and knees. Suddenly, they began crawling and try to stand up on their own feet. Finally, they take that first step, then the next step and become full fledge walking little people. Notice I only focused on learning how to walk. They also have to learn how to talk which is a whole cognitive process that they are learning at the same time as walking. This never happens overnight. Some learn quicker than others, but the point is it truly takes time. Take that into consideration of how you learn how to achieve your hearts desire in life. It is all in the timing.