I’m starting to forget the days of moving forward already and three months haven’t even passed. Funny! A lot of things have been happening that have been so…humbling.
The last 2 weeks I’ve been having a great time getting out and just enjoying myself with new and old people. I went to Babylon and danced by myself the whole night and had a great ass time. I was hookahed up, dressed casually…and when a good song came on, I got up and danced. Dudes were like I’m having a good time. No one bothered me. I just enjoyed it…and it hit me…I enjoyed being out at a club by myself without worrying about what people thought of me being by myself. I’ve never done that before.
The last two weekends have been filled with chillin’ with friends and making new friends. Yesterday I randomly went out and hung out with a couple that I know of but don’t frequent with. I’ll call them the power couple…the couple folks hate on because they are extremely cheesy with each other on social media but also don’t out each other when things go down. They are mad cool. They were also aware of what happened between me and Mister J.
All I have to say is God is giving me so much favor for being out of the situation and showing how many more lies exist. We all continued having a great time. I made another connect with a Connector who might know some opportunities for me to make my business succeed down the road. So I look forward to what’s in store and also having her invite me to places where good people are.
I envision being with a man who is:
- God fearing; someone who I can pray with and over and vice versa; someone who understands how relationships are Godly led
- Family oriented; has a good relationship with his family and builds a good relationship with mine; also envisions having children with me
- Lays the foundation for me in our relationship before I do
- A builder; he wants to truly cultivate and build a forever relationship with me even in difficult times
- A fighter; for a relationship; when we’re not on the same page, he fights with me to get us back on track
- Continues to pursue me while in a relationship
- Practices communication or is putting in effort to improve his style
I’ve started reflecting on how I build a foundation in a relationship. It honestly starts out slightly slow. Usually after about three months that’s when I begin to get a big more comfortable and open. I think about it…with Mister J he dated me for two and a half months before we were intimate. And the moment he said “exclusively dating only you”…that’s when I began to build a foundation.
I made myself readily available because I wanted to spend more time with him. This was the same with CJ & TJ accept this happened within 3-5 months. I slowly stopped going out and making commitments so time could be available for the boo. Funny now, because I have plenty of time to go out and I am fucking loving it. I became a homebody before for everyone but CJ. Not only that, I was making sure I had groceries for whenever they came over. Whether it was drink, a snack or something else. Sometimes they would provide it…but I was always providing it just as much. I was establishing a foundation by becoming the nurturer. I’m always like “I can help”. My help is keeping provisions for THEIR health. My help is supporting him in doing HIS thing.
Yet all my exes never provided a foundation for MY health or so I can do MY thing.
Always “what’s for dinner?” “I’ll do the dishes” “I’ll do the laundry” “I’ll grab this for you on the way”…it was always what was convenient for them. One thing about my dad…even if it was out of his way, he would still grab it for me without hesitation. He would never complain-he would just do it. That’s what I know about my father. I don’t think any of my past lovers laid out a clear foundation. They may have spoken on it, but never actually did it. That needs to balance out.
So what I need to do is sit on my “throne” and watch them “build” something for me. I will encourage them…from my throne…but not getting off my seat until it’s done. I may take a look and see how it looks and make “suggestions”…then go back and sit on my throne. This is the way I have to approach my next relationship as a Nubian Queen.
It feels like the innocent, naive part of me has died. I was reading the Book of John and the devotion talks about how obsessed our culture is with starting a new life. It was as if I was slowly dying from mourning over what I thought was real.
Did this kind of pain have to happen to me so I could finally wake up? Some of life’s lessons are learned through some painful experiences. Maybe that’s where I take the lesson to go.