So I’ve noticed I haven’t cooked a dish in weeks. I haven’t bake anything from scratch, but bought myself salads or ordered something.
Normally, I have trouble sleeping and eating. Now, not only have I been avoiding cooking, but my folks want me to come home…and I’m not ready to meet the memories that were there. I’d rather let some time pass before going home.
I want to see my family, but I’d rather them come to see me. I honestly feel embarrassed to even visit my church family because they met Mister J. They’d probably ask how he is…and I don’t want to keep replaying what happened. I guess it’s safe to admit that I’ve been traumatized. I know mom would insist on me coming…but this man came into my home, broke bread with us, played games with us. My parents treated him to food and dinner. We had a dinner date in downtown KY and toured a place. These are jaded memories that I don’t want to trigger waterworks or relapse. I’m not ready to go home yet.
Also…I really want to understand how I attracted someone like Mister J into my life. I’m sure there was some insecurity in me somewhere that I do not know of…along with the other women. In my first therapy session, she said something that triggered my emotions. She said he stole something from me. That he did.