The Struggle

I struggle with the fact that I want to give you my all not knowing if you’ll give me all of you.

I wanna give you my mind, my heart, and my body….or is it my mind and my body then my heart? Or is my body, because ultimately that symbolizes you have me fully.

See the struggle?

I struggle with a weakness between my legs. I am aware of the hunger, like a caged lion. I didn’t have control of it because I felt it was the only way to connect to men…..until they had nothing to give me back. So I locked it up and starved it. The growling has died down, but it’s still there.

Not expecting anything but utter pleasure was my reward back….but the older I get…the more I want assurance. The more I want accountability. The more I long for trust and loyalty. Honestly, I don’t want to hurt or get heartbroken….but growth comes from pain….so I’m okay with it.

Because the more I give of my body….the more I struggle with emotional dissatisfaction. The worst part is I have to sit in my shit until it dissolves before I can get up again.

See? This is my struggle when I want to be with someone like you who is the glint in my stare, the daydream I long for in reality. Are you mine? Are you my new reality or are you the next nightmare?

Even when I pray for confirmation, it’s because I wanna know if you really want all of me….not just my face, not just my body and nice demeanor. Do you want all of me that comes with me?

…are…you………..worth me? Are you worth it?

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